I am a deep thinker, this is something I have come to accept and embrace and I would love nothing more than sharing my musings with you in the hope that by sharing ones soul it will help to set another free.
Lately I’ve coaching more and more people who are unable to sit still, they are always busy being busy and I got to thinking, why are we keeping ourselves so busy, what are we hiding from? From my experience I believe that YOU are hiding from yourself ~ let me elaborate:
When we are younger we are fed all sorts of messages, that we are greedy, that we are selfish, that we are not enough, that we will not be loved unless we are beautiful, success or popular. Without knowing these beliefs wound our sense of self (our ego) and on a subconscious level the fractured sense of self starts to build a mask to hide all of these flaws and insecurities. The problem is this mask/armour blocks us off from our true selves and we start to seek outside of ourselves to fill the void.
The reason I write about this is because collectively we have no idea how damaging this is to our spirit and to mankind, this pain (void) we feel about ourselves will manifests itself in all sorts of ugly ways, the evidence is that we are caught in a web of unhappiness, stress, anxiety and depression, alarmingly scientists predict that by 2030 depression will be the biggest killer of our time.
So I urge you to do something different this weekend, instead of burying your head in a newspaper give yourself some time to reflect on the following:
Have I been hiding? Do I live my life pretending to be something I am not? Do I appear to the outside world to be kind, loving, faithful, generous, and honest but behind closed doors I have a dark shadow lurking, one that I do not want to admit exists? Do any of these apply to you?
- not declaring all your income on your tax return
- drinking too much
- secretly gorging on food
- screaming at your children behind closed doors but acting like the perfect parent on the school run
- verbally abusing your partner after being the nice person in the office all day
- visiting porn sites whilst your partner cooks you dinner
- spending money that you have not worked for (on credit cards or your partners money)
- stealing your co workers ideas and then passing them off as your own
- over using prescription medication to shut all of this up
- indulging in loveless sex and or having affairs
- suffering from stress and anxiety
- the inability to be honest with yourself means you are on overdrive and you are unable to stop, to enjoy the moment or to find any peace of mind
This used to be me, and deep down I knew if I didn’t make a dramatic change I was no longer be here, the conflict I felt from hiding my shadow was too much for me to bare. I would use alcohol, food and prescription drugs to numb how shitty I felt about myself. I was so busy lying to myself that I had no idea what the ‘truth’ about myself looked like. In the end it becomes so painful to look in the mirror that the only choice we have is to distract ourselves, whether that be another business venture, someone to take away the loneliness and shame we feel about our inadequacies, more drugs, more alcohol, more food and more despair, feeling like life is one big drag and wondering what the hell is this all about. Wondering why it is that I have everything yet I still feel so discontent and unhappy.
I can tell you from personal experience that when you make the conscious decision to face these demons the walls of denial start to break down and YOU may feel as though your life is spinning out of control, this feeling is scary but this is where you need to trust, you need to trust the process and to know that what feels like a breakdown is actually a breakthrough, this is the start of a divine storm, one that will shake YOU and break YOU because only then can YOU begin the process of mending YOUR broken spirit.
I know this is pretty deep for a Sunday morning but its meant to get your attention.
If you would like any help with anything I have touched on today please get in touch. I would love to hear from you.
With so much love as always………..