Happy Birthday to Me

Today is my birthday, it is my last year of my 30’s and to say I am grateful is an understatement, words cant describe the utter feeling of joy I have today for simply being alive, to live a life beyond my wildest dreams.

Today is not only my birthday but it is World Mental Health Day as founded by the World Federation for Mental Health in 1992. Today is a special for me, as someone who has suffered with her mental health for many years to be free of anxiety, depression, panic, fear, compulsive obsessions and the need to numb the pain I feel privileged, to have gone through mental torcher and to have come out the other side, wow what a feeling.

So many of us sit and suffer in silence but what I know for sure is this is the worse thing we can do, you see mental health loves shame and feelings of low worth. I was so ashamed of my behaviours, of what went on inside my head that I began to separate myself from society. Again, not knowing at the time I was playing into the hands of my dis-ease.

I didn’t know there was others suffering like I did, but why when I now know there are so many of us who suffer in silence. Because instead of truly owning how we feel we dress it up and we make the external look good.

When my son was 2 years old I hit a low point, I was a single parent trying to bring up my son on my own, my anxiety and depression was at its worst, but instead of being honest with what was going on for me this is how I dressed it up, you would find photos of me and my son on FB he is dressed from head to toe in designer clothes and I am at my slimmest (the reason being I don’t like myself enough to eat) I am driving a nice car and live in a nice part of town. I am working as a life coach, telling others what they need to do in order to change their lives. Every time I coached one of those women I felt as though the universe was holding a mirror up to me, I attracted the clients with the issues that I needed to heal but I had zero self awareness. I didn’t know how to be honest because for me to be honest meant letting go, it meant not caring what others thought about me, it meant no longer drinking alcohol to numb the pain I felt about myself, it meant no longer letting men use me, it meant maybe losing fair weather friends, it meant CHANGE and change is hard but I am going to let you in on a little secret “its SO worth it”

If I could encourage one thing from reading this blog it is this: if you are suffering with mental health, addiction or anything else that is plaguing your mind please reach out and talk to someone today, we are not meant to suffer on our own, we are meant to connect fully with each other and we are meant to live with open hearts, when I finally learnt how to open my heart and to be honest everything else started to fall away.

Today I live a beautifully simple life, I have the most incredible relationship with my son who is now 8, we live in a little bungalow with my dog Frank, I have the most amazing and caring friends and family, I feel as though I am living in alignment with my life purpose, I am sober, free to feel all my emotions and my head no longer runs my life. I live with a full and open heart and for this I am truly grateful.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope it has helped to set you free. Love and light x

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